Corporate Culture Caretaker Gifts

'I now call to order this staff meeting on the recent downsizing.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Spot the difference.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Satya Nutella

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"At this office no two days are different."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"We have an acronym!"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"It's o.k., come on out."