Corporate Culturalist Gifts

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Lethal Presentation

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

Satya Nutella

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"At this office no two days are different."