Corporate Conspirator Mugs

"Are you going to the paper-shredding after?"

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I remember driving to Roswell and then it goes blank."

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

'The presence of what look like standard torch batteries proves conclusively that the craft was designed by super intelligent beings so that if it was captured it would be mistaken for a hoax.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

Department of Dot Connection

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

"I've contacted the home planet and they finally gave us clearance to make our move."

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

"Meet Elvis?? Sorry, but they were right. . . He's alive and well on Earth!"

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

Area 51 Shaed of Gray - No Trespassing

"We have to keep them guessing."

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

"Nothing yet, sir, but we have found Elvis."

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos

'Hi Mr Miller, this is the employee opinion poll. Here's the question: 'Do you love your job, your boss and the company?' For answer A, 'Yes, I do and I want to do much more unpaid overtime', please press 1. For answer B, 'No, I don't and you can fire me'

Billy strip: bed pan.

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."