Corporate Conscience Pillows

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

Sportswasher's

Acts of God and Acts of the Devil

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Hey how are you feeling about the climate crisis?"

'We never think outside the box at this comapny, Firkman!'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Tuesday, 2022

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

Political Integrity Explained

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

Democracy Dies in Darkness

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'

'The following program was made possible by a totally unscrupulous sponsor....'

Theories: "Mine is whatever you want it to be - and it's guaranteed."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

"I see Jerry is up to his old tricks again."