Corporate Competition Gifts

Please help, I'm in turmoil. What is it, my son? Apple and Google are competing vigorously. Yes, the war of the patron saints. As it was foretold. What? You knew this was going to happen?! I read analyst reports. I'm not a dolt. Computer Villa.

Arm wrestling

"Gentlemen, I've decided to reduce our executive committee to three members."

"Looks like the competition's getting serious!"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"Sure I can make that deadline."

'You turned the company around. Unfortunately, it wasn't our company.'

"I make it a point to hire people smarter than me."

"...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?"

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

"Why is our company always at the back of the wagon train?"

Run, Mike, Run!

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

Sinking sales

Businessman at the deep end.

'A market ruled by only three companies is bad for the customers and it puts down development and innovation. I would be a strong opponent to such a market, if I didn't own all three companies.'

"And it was at this point that we stopped trying to innovate and started copying our competitors instead."

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

Fight on the top

People hanging on to the horns of the raging bull of 'Business'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

"Ladies and gentlemen, start your companies!"