Corporate Commiserator Gifts

'I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months. It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without.'

'It couldn't handle one more office reorganization.'

"This project is crucial guys. Time may be short but you are shorter."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"When you've been here as long as I have, you'll start to burn out"

'Dog eat dog.'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Make them a four billion dollar takeover offer, but don't cause a fuss.'

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

Teamwork: Innovation, Success, Evaluation, Development, Growth, Solution, Progess, Market.

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until Monday?"

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'I'm feeling a sense of conclusion here, so let's draw things to a close.'

Business cartoon showing a stressed business woman who has three urgent messages on her office door.

"I feel your pain. It's the least I can do for not paying you like a man."