Corporate Circus Enthusiast Gifts

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

"We've invested heavily - If not always wisely - In talent."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"We have an acronym!"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"At this office no two days are different."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

Parade of Businessmen

Office pics on dinner table.

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Shake it all about sign on desk

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'