Corporate Chuckler Pillows

... I want you to sit in and keep prompting me not to swear.

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Shake it all about sign on desk

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Brainstorm in progress.

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'