Cordless Crusader Pillows

"I think I'm going to take my kid's advice and go with a phone that doesn't have a cord."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

What the heck is wrong with people? These leftovers are perfectly good – and #5 plastics go in the recycling bin!

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

Haven't Rented a Game in 2 Weeks.

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

'What do you mean by, your people do not want to get in touch with my 'kind' of people?'

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

Game Addiction

'It won't take bitcoins.'

"I always knew I was cutting edge - I've gone cashless my entire life."

'Nothing says Christmas like a game of 'Death Slayer 4'.'

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

"Luckily, these new life rafts come with a phone, charger and a cell tower."

"When is it my turn?"

Internet Marketing Inc. Try E.J.'s Bistro for lunch! The pop-ups made getting to work a real pain.

Redaction: The pen is mightier than the word

"We're very worried that John's homework has started to interfere with his computer gaming."

Broadband is Near

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'Dude, I think your memory card is full.'

'I am Evelyn Frank, and this is my husband, brutally.'