Copywriter Gifts

'Who.' 'Who.' 'Who.' 'Or is it whom?'

Good start. Needs more gibberish.

Someone who knows apostrophes

'To tell you the truth, I don't think the average consumer will notice. Run with it.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

Advertising Agency - "...It was more moving than Martin Luther King's speech. But...will it sell dog food?"

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

Advertising Agency - "What we need is a catchy slogan, something to hide the facts."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

'I like to think our false and deceptive advertising is falser and more deceptive than anyone else's false and deceptive advertising.'

Think.

Writer and Copywriter

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'Actually, this is when I'm at my most creative, when I don't seem to be doing anything.'

"Do you ever get the urge to write something worth reading?"

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

"Do you think we're using the right key word?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

At the advertising copy department.

"We capitalize 'Internet' out of respect for its power."

'Wait, I've got it! This ad is going to actually say something! Now, what will it say?'

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Thesaurus Company

That robust flavour, that real coffee taste. - "Isn't that the tobacco slogan we used in the sixties?"

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'It's official. We replace the words worn-out, old-fashion, and obsolete with classic, vintage and retro.'

"We have to decide between 'contains miracle ZE-49' or 'guaranteed free of harmful ZE-49'."

A guy walks by the oxymoron association and sees a sign the says Pharse Of The Day: Jumbo Shrimp.

Data processing/word processing/idea processing.

"Fiddle with this Baker, until there's some truth in it."

'What's it to be,gentlemen,-whole lies or half truths?'

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'