Copywriter Gifts

'Who.' 'Who.' 'Who.' 'Or is it whom?'

Good start. Needs more gibberish.

Someone who knows apostrophes

'To tell you the truth, I don't think the average consumer will notice. Run with it.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

Advertising Agency - "...It was more moving than Martin Luther King's speech. But...will it sell dog food?"

'I like to think our false and deceptive advertising is falser and more deceptive than anyone else's false and deceptive advertising.'

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Advertising Agency - "What we need is a catchy slogan, something to hide the facts."

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

Think.

'Actually, this is when I'm at my most creative, when I don't seem to be doing anything.'

"We capitalize 'Internet' out of respect for its power."

"Do you think we're using the right key word?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'Wait, I've got it! This ad is going to actually say something! Now, what will it say?'

At the advertising copy department.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

That robust flavour, that real coffee taste. - "Isn't that the tobacco slogan we used in the sixties?"

Thesaurus Company

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'It's official. We replace the words worn-out, old-fashion, and obsolete with classic, vintage and retro.'

"We have to decide between 'contains miracle ZE-49' or 'guaranteed free of harmful ZE-49'."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

"How do you get along with your boss?" "Great! She never reads what I send her."

"I came by my wisdom the hard way. I wrote fortune cookie copy for thirty years."

"Thanks for getting these printed--but couldn't you think of a snappier slogan?"

Data processing/word processing/idea processing.

'What's it to be,gentlemen,-whole lies or half truths?'

Alphabet Soup: Now in a bold new font.

During our summer breaks, hungry photocopiers from across the nation migrate to the richer feeding grounds of Pulp & Paper Mill country.