Copyright Comedians T-Shirts

'Hey partner, you're building your brand with stolen content.'

Occu-Pie Mars

Zombie standup

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

America's funniest election gaffes

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Very funny!'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Soldiers' Ego

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."