Copyright Aficionado Pillows

"Oh yes, apparently this one is a copyright symbol."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Cat box"

Easter Island legs

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

The Fourth Little Pig

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"They're so adorable at that age!"

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

Cut Price

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure