Cop Comedy Fan Pillows

'So how do you like the new job?' - 'Not bad, better than walking the streets.'

'And this is a fair cop.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

Al Pacino

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'