Cool Kids Gifts

'My parents are so uncool.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

Culture Saturday

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

'Mom! This high resolution screen makes it seem like you're really outdoors!'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

Feeding of a giraffe with the use of a balloon.

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

'All good things must come to an end.'

Philosopher trading cards.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

Summer reading for the family.

The dark side of Halloween.

Ice Cream Tower.