Cookie Substitutes T-Shirts

"Santa, sorry for the soy milk and vegan fig bars - Caleb."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Ninja bread men"

'Works every time.'

"Oh boy! Mom made microchip cookies!"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Sis, my teacher said to list the four food groups. . . but I can only think of three. Cookies, candy and ice cream!"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'The roof needs icing.'

Miracle Mom #5,293

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

' I let you think it's your ides...then I agree with you.'

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'Mom, was it one or two cps of sugar?'

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"First Big Oil, the Big Steel, and now, Big Cookie."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

"But I'm conducting an experiment: will the twentieth cookie taste as good as the first?"

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'...Unt yur sufferink from a condition vee call tee 'Edible Complex'.'

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

If you give a mouse a French cookie: "And suddenly the memory returns. The taste was that of the little crumb of madeleine which on Sunday mornings at..."

(No caption). Woman looks at cookie sheet which contains two cookies. One is a frowning gingerbread man whose arm, leg and part of its stomach have been bitten off. The second cookie is a smiling gingerbread man who has a very full stomach.

"The cookies are always stale."