Cookie Conspirators T-Shirts

"Before we can open it we need Mom's PIN number."

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

"The cookies are always stale."

"I only surf the web for the Java and cookies."

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

'I baked it especially for you.'

'These fortune cookies are outdated. They quote Greenspan instead of Bernanke.'

Billy strip: bed pan.

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

I see bread people! A scary movie in Wonderland.

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

"After you read the menu, eat it."

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."

"...but you uncovered this cafe's secret conspiracy to addict us to over-caffeinated drinks."

"Weed cookies"

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

'It's worth a try. I heard dad say there are thousands of cookies in this computer!'

'Kevin's Mom makes wonderful cookies. Let's go over to Eddie's house. His Mom makes wonderful lemonade.'

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

'I'm beginning to wish I hadn't made him with those little rollerblades.'

"It appears it's middle was licked out."

"Dear Santa, The cookies were made with laxatives. If you give me the bike I want, I'll give you the key to the bathroom door. Love, Jimmy."

"And his tell-all memoir reveals how he broke into every home and consumed over twelve thousand pounds of cookies in one evening."

Who do you think you're kidding! There's no such thing as "Gull Scout Cookies."

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

"But I had to eat all the cookies. I'm in training for Halloween!"

The cookies improve, or it's coal next year.

Fortune Cookies