Cook Who Forgets Recipes Gifts

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

'You have a file cabinet full of recipes you're printed off. The only way 99% of them will ever make it into our stomachs is if we the printer paper.'

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"Yes. That was great. . . but the real miracle is how my mom can feed us for over a week on Thanksgiving leftovers!"

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'Oh, she's not a witch or anything -- she just served leftover turkey five days in a row.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'You would forget the doggie bag!'

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Of course I've burnt your dinner. You're in hell!'

"Think of it as cajun blackened oatmeal."

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

"For what we were about to receive has been postponed."