Conversationalist Fanatic Gifts

(Can we talk?) (This woman knows how to hurt!)

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Oi! Man is not a political animal in here!'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

'Tsk...woolly thinking again.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Is there a God?"

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'