Convenience Wizard Pillows

"Making your own potions is old fashioned. I order mine online and pop it into the microwave!"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

Tech support...can I help you!

Stupid ideas rewritten to sound like brilliant concepts.

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Dustbin monster.

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

"I'm making him take a spin class."

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

Manual Labor.

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

I got the raise

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

"I'd love to chat, Dave, but unless it's high-powered, high-quality, high-finance, high-tech chat, I just don't have the time."

'We're not interested in how you work with people, just computers.'

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

True Loves

"I don't know how to do fractions, but I do know how to build a computer that does them for me."

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

'I don't know Joe, maybe we;re using the wrong kind of glass?'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.

'It's no use Lieutenant - he's still refusing to separate his recyclables.'

computer trick with teapot and cup

"You fix computers, and I fix people. Judging by the shape you're in, my job will be a lot more challenging than yours."

Cleaning service on skates.

'They don't get any more operator friendly than this one.'

'Thrower here has always been one to push the envelope.'