Contraceptive User Pillows

"Well, there is a part of me that would quite like to have a child, but I keep a condom on it!"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

New arrival

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

'They're not reliable.'

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Aborting mission! Primary invasion force captured and enslaved!'

'But I take the pill everytime I become pregnant, and it doesn't help.'

Safe sex.

'Just the one, thanks.'

BIRTH CONTROL CLINIC, 'It's for nuclear family non-proliferation.'

Reaper Condom

From now on. I put my contacts in myself, thank you very much.

Morning After Pill

"Father I'm guilty of spermicide"

'Did I take my pill today?'

Weight gain on the pill.

New Contraceptive Methods

A man on the street selling birth control.

Condom Police: 'Wallet's empty. Same old story - says he just ran out.'

Thank God for poor denture adhesives.

'Let's use another form of birth control. I don't like the coil.'

"I'm afraid I can't arrange an emergency vasectomy just because you think you've got a hot date on Saturday."

Family Planning: Contraceptives Should Be Used On Every Conceivable Occasion!

Man looking at a pack of condoms on a shop shelf that has the label, "Family Size".

Safe Sex

Condom-Man to the rescue!

'It took a little time, but we finally made the house baby-proof.'

"Could you aim that down and a little to the left? I dropped my contact."