Contraception Planner Pillows

"I'm afraid I can't arrange an emergency vasectomy just because you think you've got a hot date on Saturday."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Babies.

New arrival

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

Baby name suggestions.

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Please take a number.

"Better put out notepads and pens in case any of them has an idea."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Do you realize that by signing this you're entitled to nothing my client has accumulated before he met you?" "Yes."

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

Baby boom expected due to corona

Pregnancy.

'To err is human. To really screw up requires a plan.'

'To make a long story short, your biological clock has jet lag.'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'