Pill Planner Pillows

'... which in turn will cause side effects of nausea, for which I'm giving you Trylitol, which will induce temporary blindness, which I'll counteract with...'

'Given the medication you're on, Larry, maybe you ought to go home!'

Medicine cabinets labelled for the different days of the week

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Praying for a goal assist.

Medical Supplies

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Fetching, rolling over, playing dead, sitting up

'To err is human. To really screw up requires a plan.'

"More protein? How about some veggies once in a while?"

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

"The wait is killing me so I'm taking a day off from looking forward to Halloween."

Mort dear I've written a living will. I've decided I won't be kept alive. Really. I just realized I can't be lying there vulnerable. I'm impressed. How introspective. Yeah, I'd be totally unable to make fun of Rudy. Pardon? These taunts are to be used after my death. Rudy, the iPads up here are amazing.

Bus stop in the desert - 'It wouldn't hurt to wait around for a little while.'

"A little bit less television, a little bit more books on tape. What's your New Year's resolution?

OK, great! So, we re-brand Crackerjack for a new generation and call it 'The C Word'.

"Sure, I can recommend some mental exercises. Try memorizing all the prescription drugs I have you on."

"Yes, I do all my shopping online. How did you know?"

College Football Player Cheat Sheet

New year resolutions.

"My job is to confirm your 15 prescriptions are compatible."

CEO Barney Bingle reassured analysts that his company's earnings target is still in sight.

Better things to do with your time than trail down the chiller aisle...Learn salsa!

"I just made the perfect password...the first letter of all my prescription drugs."