Contraband Comic Lover Gifts

"No cannabis up 'ere Sarge - just courgettes and lettuce."

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

No-Work Orange

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."