Contest Connoisseur T-Shirts

Last Place in Swimming Contest

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"The good news is you've won a date with a sexy film star, the bad news is..."

Your big moment on Altra Gameshow

Donut Eating Contest

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"You call this a constitution?"

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

"He's an abstract artist."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

"It's called 'Sold'."

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"Who's the artist?"

"I can't wait to see our new ad campaign. Wait, don't tell me...it's NEW and IMPROVED!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Nicola Sturgeon

"You have indeed purchased an original Rembrandt. A Ralph Rembrandt."

"Mr. Reagan, do you swear to tell the truth..."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, but I'll use a lot of euphemisms!'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

'Well, as a matter of fact, I think you're a pinhead too!'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

NBA on strike.