Contemporary Humor Lover Pillows

"I finally memorized my bug number."

"How do you think that makes Gail feel, knowing her only dog is posting naked pictures of herself all over the internet?"

Statue Selfie

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

"States of tofu"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Beach con-man.

Fly Football

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."