Contemplative Comic Gifts

Fat Buddhist contemplating eating the dove of peace.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'He has some unresolved issues.'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

Guru logs on to 'Why-fi'.

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

"George is a deep thinker, but his thoughts rarely come to the surface."

'Red capes no longer bother me, due to my anger counselling.'

Jewish hospitals

'Contemplate this summons.'

"Abigail! Noooooooo!"

'Thinker's drinker.'

"Patrick Donovan! It was ten Hail Mary's I was sayin'...not bloody mary's!"

"I want to learn to live in the moment... just not this moment. some other moment. Like a moment on the beach."

'I tried to join the local rambling club - but the man on the phone just went on and on and on..."

'Press one to speak to God, two to speak to another operator, and three to pass straight into heaven.'

Blight at the end of the tunnel

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

'Sorry about this, but SOMEBODY has to be the Patron Saint of Politicians.'

'Am I on the train?'

Sad Humour

"Do you ever wish you'd been a sinner?"

Worm complaints desk

'My wife doesn't understand me - she's Japanese.'