Contemplative Comic Gifts

Fat Buddhist contemplating eating the dove of peace.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'He has some unresolved issues.'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

Jackson Pollock.

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

Guru logs on to 'Why-fi'.

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

"George is a deep thinker, but his thoughts rarely come to the surface."

'Red capes no longer bother me, due to my anger counselling.'

'Thinker's drinker.'

"Abigail! Noooooooo!"

'Contemplate this summons.'

"Patrick Donovan! It was ten Hail Mary's I was sayin'...not bloody mary's!"

Clowns In Confession: 'Whoa! Hold it everybody! One at a time! Let's start with you, Chuckles...'

Jewish hospitals

"I want to learn to live in the moment... just not this moment. some other moment. Like a moment on the beach."

'I tried to join the local rambling club - but the man on the phone just went on and on and on..."

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

No caption (A prisoner watches a television with bars and clouds in a sky simulating the view outside a window).

Blight at the end of the tunnel

'Press one to speak to God, two to speak to another operator, and three to pass straight into heaven.'

'Sorry about this, but SOMEBODY has to be the Patron Saint of Politicians.'

'Am I on the train?'

Sad Humour

Worm complaints desk

"Do you ever wish you'd been a sinner?"

'My wife doesn't understand me - she's Japanese.'