Consumer Connector T-Shirts

Armstrong, what are you doing in there? Science. Go away. You're not a scientist. You're a businessman. I am both now. I am pioneering sophisticated new ways to connect with the consumer. Working up to sophisticated. Pay more.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Networking

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"I shop, therefore I am."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

'Do you ever think about how we can reduce our global footprint?'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Best Places to Retire

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'The U.S. has less than 5% of the world's population, but consumes 25% of its natural resources. Pretty outrageous, isn't it?'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'Better buy one now - before they make them too big to fit into your house.'

"Nowadays, it's all about who you know, not what you know."

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

ONE MORNING WHILE GETTING DRESSED,

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

The Climate Change Debate Explained

'Yes, the wood on this pencil is from a renewable source.'

"You won't believe it - your granddaughter's grown a foot since you last saw her!"

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'Of course, I buy only organic foods... I like to be environmentally friendly.'

Horn of Plenty.