Constitution Conversationalists Pillows

"I consider myself to be a constitutional absolutist. I absolutely love to spout off about it, even though I've read absolutely none of it."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A lesson in wit

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

Bla Bla Bla

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

'No talking' sign at a fishing site.

'How are you keeping?'

'...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many...'

'...and in my opinion the whole world's gone barmy.'

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."