Conservative Humor Lovers Pillows

Good Christians should be willing to die for President Trump."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"They're comfortable."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

The Berlin Peace Movement

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"She wishes to range free!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

How Amazon was invented

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.