Consciousness Traveler Gifts

'Leaving the state of 'being'; entering the great state of 'nothingness'.'

*Not suitable for those with an allergy to consciousness expansion

A tourist inadvertently destroying the place he is visiting

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

I think therefore I am.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"Physically I'm in New York, Emotionally. . .I'm somewhere in the south of Florida."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"I'm not an AI, I'm a human being."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

Guru Greg's Soul Repair

'Somewhere with good karma.'

'Oh, he's pretty wise -- I clerked for him.'

"I tell you, the book has everything- sex, history, consciousness, and cats!"

A cow is trying to hitchhike away from the slaughterhouse.

Therapist. The first step in therapy is acknowledging your issues, or as I like to call it, "baggage claim."

"Avoid hungry bears."

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

'Couldn't you plant your tree before you fly?'

People looking worried, sad and angry wait at the Emotional Baggage Carousel

"The meaning of life? To be honest, I haven't given it much thought."

In these hard economic times, positive self worth trumps negative self worth.

'I just attained enlightenment, guys! - GROUP HUG!'

Baseball Angels

'I've been working on my asceticism and self-denial for twenty years now -- could I go down to Las Vegas to test them?'

"This ashram looks good. Every night after dinner they have a stand-up guru."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

Confessions on a plane.

Mountaintop Shopping Cart

In Case of Emergency

A guru offers a fainting couch to a man.

"All I have is tofu."