Connoisseur Of Cat Antics Pillows

Indoor cat discovers glass.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Projectile hairballing."

"Now you can stop watching those cute cat videos."

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Sure, it's been a tough quarter, but somehow we always land on our feet."

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

'I'll have the steak and she'll have the tuna.'

'You caught 'em. You clean 'em.'

'Uh-oh, Ben's making his move on Goldie's food again.'

"Okay, who's purring?"

"Cat with nine still lives"

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

Cat Lover's Leap.

'Cats. They want in, they go over the numbers, they want out.'

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"

"It's only the wind."

"I told you you'd made that cat flap too big."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

"Relax, it's cat fishing lure. I'm hoping to catch a dogfish."

Zen Litter Box

"No, I'm only interested in dogs and cats."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

"The wings help. Now pick up the bowl and I'll chase it around the room a bit."

"I never heard her say she was leaving you in charge."

'And it was at this point when he switched from mouse-based, desktop computers to trackpad laptops.'

Cat Desk Organizers: In, Out, Eat, Sleep.

'Do you know what an octopus is?'

"Pianissimo! Pianissimo!"

'Dogs have more charisma but cats have more electricity.'

"I tell you, the book has everything- sex, history, consciousness, and cats!"

'I wouldn't have brought the cat if I'd know he had to be naked too.'

Love is Love