Connected Living Aficionado Pillows

"These smart devices are going too far. The stove asked me to speak into the salt shaker."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wifi in Hell

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

'Yes, it is large for a smart phone, but then it does do absolutely everything.'

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"This home doesn't have a good view, but it comes with smart windows that change the view to something beautiful."

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

"I'm all for the internet of things - but I hate pop-up ads."

"No, it's not a computer monitor. It's a doggy door. Not everything is technology related."

"Good morning, Doug, I've had a chat with the other smart appliances, and we feel we'll be just fine without you from here on in."

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

"The last vampire who lived in it spared no expense on upgrades. Especially when it comes to the latest technology."

"I swear- the next one of you that beeps at me is gonna be sorry."

"It's a smart app. It locks the doors and windows if it hears the words 'change management consultant'."

Edward and Mindy lived in a smart Alec building.

"This smart home doesn't come with a formal dining room. It has an informal dining room, so it will call you by your first names instead of using Mr. or Mrs."

"When I was a boy, I had to walk five miles through the snow to change the channel."

"Every appliance, every light, every bit of electronics in the house is controlled by a single remote that I haven't yet been able to find."