Confidentiality Buff Pillows

'I really can't talk about my childhood. Before I left home, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

"It's a note from my teacher...heavily redacted."

Backfire

High security Santa's grotto

"Bloody hell!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Is there a vegan option?"

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Beware of the frog"

Cat Hecklers

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!

'It would never work out, Blackfire — our alignments are too different.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."