Confessional Comedian T-Shirts

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

I know it's been ages since my last confession, but I trust you've been getting my texts?

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Trump pardons

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'The circle is complete!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

A Guide to Balloon Animals

No-Work Orange

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!