Conductor Humor Pillows

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

AA Meeting Here Today

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Radiator jazz player

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Rap-scallions

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Double Saxophone

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

"Ding" "Dong"

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

Dr. Phil takes it home.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

No Instruments Please

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

Now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto.

"There can be no doubt. This proves it. We gotta have more cow bell."

Maurice Ravel.

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

A Capella: singing without musical accompaniment.

How to deliver a baby grand.

Musician feedback card

"Yes it's Mozart...but is it evidence-based Mozart?"