Con Artist Aficionado T-Shirts

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

The Artist

Paul Klee

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Cariactures

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

(Camel paintings)

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

Distractions Of The Great

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Mr. Right!"

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Horti-Culture

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Baroque Peacock

Painting taking root...

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Spring Training

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Misunderstood artist

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'