Computer Psychologist Gifts

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Lynching on social media

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Support the Ex-Troops

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Fear/Knowledge

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Thinking Gears

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

America, are we learning anything?

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"