Computer Newbie Humor Gifts

"Talk nerdy to me."

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

"You are still here."

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He's at that awkward age...he knows just enough about computers to really screw them up."

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Bubbie Selfies

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

I hate getting ready for Y1K.

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'Hello, technical support? Which one is the 'any key'?'

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

"Please—no technology questions!"

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

Video Chat with Dad from his new smart phone.

"They say registering online should take ten minutes to two days, depending on my computer skills."