Complex Family Narrator T-Shirts

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

True confessions.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Polygamists' Picnic

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

Children's Party

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'It's a horror-comedy.'