Competitive Couch Potato Pillows

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'Now that's Real TV!'

Starvation Watching

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

Lockdown Brain

'My arms are getting shorter.'

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Business has picked up since we introduced short term cryogenic stays for the football off season."

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

"I'm watching the hockey game. The score is 4 nothing for the Zamboni driver."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"I want to be so successful that it ruins my life."

"Look, we're getting a recreation centre."

Ball and Chain

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'