Compensation Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Employee Benefits

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

S**t Threw a Goose

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Wow, you look sexy today."

'I forgot the question.'

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"Once again, nobody's happy A true whine-whine situation."

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'It's ok, he's signed - release his children.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'You dance like my mother.'

"Basically, by signing here, you consent to letting me manage any life prolonging medical treatments."

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'