Commute-free Champion Pillows

"Working remotely is great. My coworker is adorable, and my pantry has never been so organized."

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

Natural gas

'Kate was running late for work and to make matters worse she put a ladder in her stockings'

"Dad's home."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

Once or twice a year he'd leave work and go home to his family. He missed them terribly, but not the commute.

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

"And the dim fluorescent lighting is meant to emphasize the general absence of hope."

The subway-delay prophet of doom

"Yes, yes, but it’s only an hour from Manhattan."

Traffic Everywhere

'Harold arrives home from work early now. He solved all his commuting and exercise problems at once.'

"Now, right over here there's going to be some congestion, so get off I-95 and take the Hutchinson River Parkway."

"I think I've taken my morning routine too far."

Will the last person to quit smoking please empty the ashtray!

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

'What can I say? The Feng Shui in the litter box was off.'

"And now for a terrific report: There is..."

"Would you like it better if I wear earbuds and point?"

Roundabout/Don't Know How To Use Roundabout

'It's just their little way of saying, 'Sorry we wrecked the planet.''

Waiting and waiting and waiting room

'After considering the pros and cons of commuting, I've decided the only sane thing to do is live in my office.'

Bumps in the road.

'I certainly went the extra mile today, but only because I took a wrong turning on the way in to work.'

'Yeah, but look at the money he's saving on gas.'

"Before you put on a nicotine patch you need to take off the old one."

'I eat an instant breakfast and come to work on rapid transit, only to be put on hold by the Board on Education.'

'Lots of people have longer commutes than you.'

Dumpster Diving