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"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

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"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"I'm starting to miss the summer people. It's been weeks since I glowered."

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"I think it's a bit late in the evening, Harold, to tell them about your watershed experience."

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'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

'How much longer will you be working on your autobiography, Shelly?'

'There is no room in the church for damaged goods Rodney.'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

Welcome signs 'Pinefalls, pop 186, plus 3 atheists we don't like to mention'

"Ever wonder what goes on over there?"

'It's my suicide note. Chapter 147.'

'I lost my virginity and my identity on the same night.'

"Oooh, let's take our books over there."

'That one's got a speech impediment -can't say 'no'!'

"We survived the loss of the blacksmith and the barber shop, but this here is serious!"