Communication Wizards Gifts

"Behold, for I have received a text message!"

"Don't worry, I welcome stupid questions because I have plenty of stupid answers."

"My birth was such a shock to me . . . I couldn't talk for two years."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Letter Collecting Nerd

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Twitter censorship

'Let us pray...'

"So who is this First pet?"

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'How fast can you hype?'

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"That's his answer to everything!"

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

The Communicator

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

"I need a more interactive you."

He'll be fine after you reboot him, I've replaced his memory stick.

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

"Hey Dolly, get back here!"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

'You know, she's right. It wouldn't kill you to do a little gathering every now and then.'