Communication Wizard Pillows

"I'm afraid the turnout isn't as high as we'd hoped, three of them misheard the date; five got the time wrong and everyone from sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake!"

"She's texting me, but I think she's also subtexting me."

Bob kept missing the point and was forced to wait around for the next one.

'Well, how did he react? Was it that scowling-grunt of no way, or that raised-eyebrows-grunt of just maybe?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The Town Tweeter

"You hadn't texted me in twenty minutes. I was afraid you might have become paralyzed."

"Ever since he started this new job, we hardly talk anymore...!"

Clean your mobile phone screen, sir?

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"And my own cell phone would help me develop better communication skills."

"... Looks like, Grey Owl's mobile has run out of credit again."

Scottish Dialect

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

Motion denied. Your lips say "motion denied," but your eyes say "approach the bench."

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

How to deliver a successful presentation.

Oymoticons

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

Letter Collecting Nerd

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Twitter censorship

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

'Let us pray...'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."