Communication Tactics Guru T-Shirts

"Wow, I never realized your unhappiness was so nuanced."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

The Thinker. The Listener

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'My market doesn't understand me.'

There's a real disconnect going on here.

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

Resume Consultant. To avoid giving anybody the wrong idea, you should stop calling yourself a "hands-on" manager.

"I think it’s time we started resenting other people."