Communication Comedy Fans Gifts

'They want your underwear.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Antler Buzzers.

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

The first case of resume padding.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Don't go in there!!"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Yakety-Yak

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'