Commitment-free Crusader Gifts

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"Yes ... no!"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

'It won't take bitcoins.'

"I always knew I was cutting edge - I've gone cashless my entire life."

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

'Wow, she's still here! That's what I like about Sally, she has a great work ethic!'

It's not that I don't care for you, but let's face it Larry. You have commitment issues.

"It's not long-term commitment, Kyle! I'll move in just for the hibernation."

"Frankly, the idea of "Mating for Life" is quite daunting to somebody like me who has a fear of commitment..."

"George, I can't help thinking you lack focus!"

'These are called cigarette butts: Humans throw them everywhere and they end up here!'

"You mean pesticides and herbicides aren't the same?"

"If this is going to last you're going to need to become a cat."

'We're half serious about getting married. I am, and he isn't.'

"Taking crazy risks gives me such a rush. Like check out my phone. No case!"

"Well yes, we've been married for eighty years, but your grandma didn't want to rush things: We were engaged for thirty years before that..."

Police Warning - Street unsuitable for children - smokers ahead.

"Hi! I'm here for Bob the Vegan."

Bears Inc. Magazine.

'You say that I'm 'full of myself'. Who else would fit into my body?'

'Hang on a minute...are you over 18?'

America's Public (Health) Enemy #1

"Will you marry me for a few years?"

Putin's attack on the press

'Sorry, this is a cashless raft.'