Commercial Property Gifts

Mr. Store for Rent

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Mouse real estate!

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"Sold his air rights."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'It will cost more, but I suggest building from scratch instead of a gingerbread mix.'

'Commerical real estates' man excited by peak in sleeping 'Rental rates' monitor

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

The Speculators

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

'Hi, I'm on the make,'

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."