Comical Thinker T-Shirts

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Lift at Mouse Hole.

'Let me know when you're ready to hear my preposterous spin on this.'

Dog stranded on an island looks mournfully at an island with a tree on.

"That is not an anti-aging pill."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Zenemies.

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

This will really mess with their minds someday.

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books